I have become obsessed with the song “Better Days” by Eddie Vedder lately. The lyrics really spark something inside of me – makes me want to further explore my beliefs. I have been struggling with trying to figure out what I believe in (religion-wise), because I’m realizing my views are changing drastically. As I grow older and wiser, I’m beginning to branch away from the religious views that I was indoctrinated with as a child. Although I’m not too sure about what I really believe in anymore – if anything – I’m starting to question and explore other ideals and beliefs. I was born and raised Catholic, but now I would say I’m more Agnostic and questioning. I am not sure I’m ready to open that can of worms at this time, but stay tuned – that’s sure to come soon.
This song may not have much to do about the above paragraph, but when I listen to it, I feel that I am right to question my previous beliefs. I feel there is something else out there that is a better fit for me, and the universe will help me find it if I just open my mind… I’m ready to explore and open up. I’m ready to “greet myself, read myself.” I love my life and am very happy with the way things are going, and I know they will only get better. I will find my answers eventually. My future is definitely paved with better days.
I wanted to share these lyrics with you. I also included a video (from the movie Eat, Pray, Love). Enjoy!
Better Days, Eddie Vedder
I feel part of the universe open up to meet me
My emotion so submerged, broken down to kneel in
Once listening, the voices they came
Had to somehow greet myself, read myself
Heard vibrations within my cells, in my cells
Singing, “Ah-la-ah-ah, ah-la-ah-ah”
My love is safe for the universe
See me now, I’m bursting
On one planet, so many turns
Singing, “Ah-la-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-ah, ah”
Fill my heart with discipline
Put there for the teaching
In my head see clouds of stairs
Help me as I’m reaching
The future’s paved with better days
Not running from something
I’m running towards the day
A whisper once quiet
Now rising to a scream
Right in me
I’m falling, free falling
Words calling me
Up off my knees
I’m soaring and, darling,
You’ll be the one that I can need
Still be free
Taking classes this semester while working full-time is killing my writing schedule. I’m anxious for May to get here so I no longer have to worry about writing papers for class, but rather write journal entries, poetry, flash fiction, and blogs! This semester has been filled with research papers and answering specific questions, leaving my creativity on the back burner for another time. In one of the recent papers I had to develop, I was able to show my opinion rather than keep it straight forward and display only the facts surrounding the subject. I enjoy writing what I know, especially when I feel strongly about the subject at hand.
I seem to never have time to sit down and write for myself and personal pleasure. I have been making my way through a couple of the writing books I began reading at the beginning of the semester, and I’m looking forward to finishing those and apply the principles to my own writing. I’m working on my writing schedule, and jotting down my ideas that could one day turn into a novel. That’s one of my problems – I have so many ideas that could turn into something huge. I have to remember to write them down immediately. I carry 3 notebooks with me at all times, keeping them easily accessible. I like having my pick of which one to write in. My fave? Moleskine, by far.
Anyway. I have a journal by my bed, and I keep staring at it before I lie down. I need to just suck it up and start writing something – anything – every night before bed. I also think writing first thing in the morning would help jump start my creativity, because I find myself waking up thinking about the crazy dreams I’ve had. My dreams are so vivid that they sometimes stick with me for weeks. The ones I want to write about seem to slip away within a few hours of being awake. This is why I must make time for writing in the morning, I think. Here’s to hoping I can stick to it!
When do you write for pleasure? Do you have a schedule, and if so, what time works best for your personal creativity? Do share, I’m curious!
Writing has been a part of my life since I was very young. I can remember when I would seclude myself in my bedroom as a kid, lock the door, and sit at my desk to write for hours. I would write what I called “songs” (now I look back and realize they were actually poems, with repeating verses), short stories, and letters to friends that lived on the other side of town.
I have always loved having a pen in my hand – I still feel the same way. I catch a lot of grief about wanting to write things down in a notebook versus putting them on my laptop, but some people don’t understand how therapeutic it is for me to physically write my thoughts down.
I have recently picked up a couple of books (recommended to me by my lovely fellow writing friend, Tyne) to help give me the tools I need to get back into writing for myself – Time to Write, Thinking Write, and Living Write – by Kelly L. Stone. First – she is fantastic. She has a master’s degree in counseling, and has been a freelancing novelist and writer, and combines the world of psychology with the world of writing. Second – her books are an inspiration. After picking up Time to Write, I have discovered I truly do have “the burning desire to write.”
I am trying to make time to write more every single day, even if it is for only 15 minutes at a time. Having the burning desire to write will give me the push I need to become a successful writer, and will motivate me to spend time each morning, afternoon, or evening penning my thoughts down. I have a desire to write more fiction, so each day I’m working on a fiction piece, as well as poetry. I do find it difficult to clear time every single day to get my ideas on paper, but if I make the effort, I know it will be very rewarding.
Ethan trudged through the several inches of freshly fallen snow, as he passed the church. He was bundled head to toe, his body attempting to avoid the arctic wind coming from the lake. Sarah was a few steps behind him. She was weaving through people like a taxi in a traffic jam. If only she didn’t need all that shit she’s carrying! His thoughts were at the tip of his tongue. His mind was threatened their release upon further irritation. His thoughts were interrupted by a piercing scream. “ETHAAAAAAN!” What now, he asked himself. He then turned around when he reached the corner, and was speechless.
“Ethan! Get back here and help me!” Sarah shrieked at him. She was on one foot, trying desperately to hold her Gucci purse, briefcase, two shopping bags, and boot in one hand, while using her other hand to hold on to the light pole. “My D & G’s!” came squeaking out in between her sobs. Ethan came running up. He grabbed her bags and had her hold on to his arm to give her balance. The heel broke off her boot. Fantastic. This is just what I need when we’re already running late! His mind was interrupted by her hyperventilating.
“They…they… they’re ruined!” she wailed. A few passersby stopped to stare for a moment. Crazy people that yell were everywhere. They were considered a part of the scene in a city like this. The audience hurried along their way when the light changed.
“Come on Sarah, quit being so dramatic. You can get another pair…” He had to choose his words carefully, or he would say something to piss her off. “Is your ankle ok?”
“I don’t care about my ankle! I loved these boots!” Of course she doesn’t care about her ankle. Must not hurt that much. I swear, if she cared half as much about me and her life as she does about those damn boots and bags, things might actually work out.
“I told you not to wear those today. You saw the weather forecast with me! You shoulda listened!” His voice turned sour as his frustration became harder to control. She tried to interrupt him. She was cut off quickly.
“What!? You knew what you were getting into. You better tough it out. We’re almost to my building! I’ll carry your things, hang on to my arm and let’s get going! It’s freezing out here!” She’s about to hit my last nerve. I don’t know how much longer I…
Sarah slapped him. He was brought back to reality quite quickly. He was dumbfounded. After all I do, this is what happens? “What the hell is wrong with you? I’m trying to help –“
“You are not helping! You are being rude! Get me a taxi so I don’t have to spend another minute with you! You can walk!” I can walk? Really? Taxi!
He stood there, so still that you barely saw his breath in the frigid air. “Are you serious?” he finally mustered. “You want a cab? When we’re not even 10 blocks away? Because you don’t want to spend another minute with ME? Unbelievable, Sarah. I’ve just about had it.”
“Had it with what?!” she shot back hastily. It really didn’t matter how she sounded, the outcome would still be the same.
“Had it with this – what are we even doing here?! I’m always catering to your unappreciative ass, making sure I work overtime every single week to take you to your expensive restaurants, and to your designer shops…” his words were dripping with anger, resentment, frustration, and pure hatred. “I just… I can’t do this anymore! You never say thank you, you never tell me you love me anymore, and I feel like you just use me!”
Sarah rolled her eyes. “How in the hell do I use you? I don’t need you, in case you didn’t know! I can do just fine on my own!” Yeah, right, Ethan mumbled. Oops. Did I say that out loud? “Look – I used to care a lot about you. The last couple years you have just drained me. I have been trying to figure out a way to say this, but I avoided it for so long… I thought maybe if…”
“Maybe if what? Maybe if you pretended to love me? Pretended to care? What the hell is your problem?! I’m so done with you! You better pack your stuff and leave as soon as we get back!” she yelled, avoiding his gaze.
“Me, pack my stuff, in MY PLACE?!” Ethan couldn’t believe his ears. She was trying to kick him out of his own place. “I don’t think so!”
Their fight on the street lasted another forty-five minutes. It ended with an angry Sarah being hauled away by the cop who happened to pass by just as she went to stab him with her broken stiletto heel. She screamed at Ethan. She shouted everything from “I love you, don’t do this” to “you’re such a pig, I hate you!” He just stood on the street corner and let his hands fall to his side. He was completely flabbergasted. The police took her to a hotel. He would have a night free of bitching. A night free of her incessant moaning. A night free of his utter unhappiness. He was for sure that after this incident, they were through. Ethan readjusted his scarf and hat, put his gloves back on. He continued home, where he immediately packed a bag and wrote Sarah a quick note.
I’m finished. We have to talk later, because I can’t deal with how things are going anymore. I’m going over to Josh’s for a few hours, so you should pack your things and go stay with your sister. I think we need a few days to cool off – don’t call or text me, please. I need to clear my head and think about things. I’m sorry.
He slowly put the pen down on the kitchen counter, and stood up straight. Ethan knew it was over, but it was the best thing to do. He took the note and placed it on the table in the foyer. With that, he took a deep breath and walked out the door.
In case you haven’t been able to figure it out yet, I’m kind of obsessed with DMB. I came across this challenge via @JTR89’s twitter page, who originally found it on danayylovedmb‘s Tumblr. I am going to have to take part in this challenge! To save my dear readers time and trouble of looking through multiple posts, I will update the challenge list here. Peace, love, & DMB forever. :)
Day 1: August 6, 2010 – A Picture of the Whole Band
I love this band. The only way this picture could be more beautiful is if LeRoi were still with us. We will never forget the impact he made on this band and the fans. Rest Peacefully, Roi. <3
Day 2: August 7, 2010 – The Day I Discovered Dave
While I don’t remember the exact day I discovered this amazing band, I do recall that I was in high school when I started listening to them. My cousin was a huge fan, and he got me hooked. I started learning the songs, reading about the band, but I had not seen them live. The moment I saw a show, it was over. My like turned into love, which turned into obsessed… and here we are, 14 shows later.
Day 3: August 8, 2010 – My Favorite DMB Song and Why
This is a tough one, but I can honestly tell you I’ve always been able to say that Dancing Nancies is my fave DMB jam. The lyrics, the music… album or live, it doesn’t matter what version. I am partial to Warehouse following (live versions), but I’m happy when I hear this song no matter what. It always helps me remember that no matter what is going on, I can get through it and find a brighter day. This song helps me remember that I could have really been anything, but what I am is who I was meant to be. <3
A close second would have to be a tie between Bartender, Don’t Drink the Water, and #41. It’s so hard to choose, so that’s why I have a top 10-20. ;)
Day 4: August 9, 2010 – My Favorite DMB Album & Favorite Song From That Album
My favorite album has to be Before These Crowded Streets. When I first listened to this album straight through, I was blown away. It was darker than the albums before, and was wonderfully produced. It doesn’t get better than BTCS. My favorite track on this album is hard to choose. I think it’s a tie between Don’t Drink the Water and Pig, although I am partial to The Stone and The Last Stop as well. Quit making me choose! ;)
Day 5: August 10, 2010 – Favorite Live Trax Album
That’s easy… Live Trax 15, Alpine Valley. This is the release that made me fall in love with Louisiana Bayou. Not to mention the Too Much-Fake>Halloween, Water into Wine TWICE, and that epic Two Step closer. *drools*
Day 6: August 11, 2010 – Favorite Picture of Dave Matthews
Can you tell I was excited? <3
Day 7: August 12, 2010 – The First Song I Heard
I honestly don’t remember! I know I heard songs from Crash on the radio when I was in high school… but the first song I really remember hearing – actually hearing – was #41. I fell in love immediately. :)
Day 8: August 13, 2010 – The First Time I Saw the Band Live (and my experience)
For this one, you’ll have to stay tuned for the Panda Adventures. ;)
Day 9: August 14, 2010 – A Song That Reminds Me of a Certain Event, Moment, Memory, &/or Person
That’s a tough one to narrow down! There are many songs that remind me of many things, so that might take more time than I have right now to think about! How about a couple – Grey Street makes me think of my first show. Crush, Rapunzel and You & Me makes me think of my sweetheart.
Day 10: August 15, 2010 – A Song I Know All the Words To
…How about songs I don’t know the words to? That would be the new stuff, like Black Jack, Break for It, etc. :)
Day 11: August 16, 2010 – Favorite Music Video
My fave music video would have to be Crush or Don’t Drink the Water. I also really like Dreamgirl, because every member of the band has some kind of cameo.
Day 12: August 17, 2010 – Your Least Favorite Song
My least favorite song? Wow… I guess I will have to go with You Might Die Trying. It’s not bad and I don’t hate it by any means, but it is what we (my DMB Twitter family) like to call a “pee break” song. LOL
Day 13: August 18, 2010 – Reasons Why You Love Them
Their talent is exceptional. The lyrics and music, and how it all rolls together blows my mind. Dave sings my life, and the boys play it. Every single live show is different. I have met incredible people because of our love for this band. They are inspiring. I can relate to what Dave writes and sings. They are all such great guys – family men who have morals and values. They are also all nice to talk to, and are willing to take photos and sign autographs with smiles on their faces. They love their fans as much as we love them. This list could go on and on…
Day 14: August 19, 2010 – Favorite Quote(s)
“Could I have been anyone other than me?” “I will go in this way and I will find my own way out.” “Lean upon me, I’ll lean up on you, We’ll be ok.” “I was just wondering if you’d come along, hold up my head when it won’t hold on…” “Naked you will see that we are all the same.” “Forever dancing with the GrooGrux King…”
Day 15: August 20, 2010 – Number of Shows I’ve Been To
Total: 14. Blossom ’06, Deer Creek ’07, IU (D&T) ’08, Deer Creek ’08, Vanderbilt ’09, Riverbend ’09, Blossom ’09, Deer Creek ’09, Deer Creek ’10, PNC ’10.
Day 16: August 21, 2010 – Favorite Concert/Tour
The best set I have ever seen has to be N2 at Deer Creek 2010. I was blown away. Close behind are Vanderbilt ’09, D&T @ IU, and PNC 2010.
Day 17: August 22, 2010 – Random DMB Picture
Day 18: August 23, 2010 – If I Could Spend an Entire Day With the Band, What Would I Do?
Oh man… the possibilities are endless. Let’s start with a bike ride and end with a relaxing dinner, complete with lots of wine. Whatever happens in between happens. I’m not that picky, just wanna hang with them. :) That would be ideal.
Day 19: August 24, 2010 – Ways the Band Has Changed My Life
This band has changed my life in so many ways… the way I think about things mainly. I listen to their lyrics and music and use them in my life for day to day activities. It’s something I have found I relate to more than any church, any religion, or anyone. It’s like he really does sing my life… and knowing there are so many others out there that feel the same way I do is amazing. I have met many awesome people because of this band. <3
Day 20: August 25, 2010 – Favorite Album Art
Big Whiskey & the GrooGrux King, by far. Dave’s own work, the references made in the cover art… it’s beautiful and personal.
Day 21: August 26, 2010 – How Long You’ve Been a Fan
I’ve been a fan since high school, but I really got into their music when I began college. In the last 4 years, I’ve become obsessed, especially after my first live show.
Day 22: August 27, 2010 – Favorite Band Member and Why
Fave band member?! Are you kidding? DAVE. <3 Sexy, sweaty, scruffy Dave!
Day 23: August 28, 2010 – How I Describe the Band When Someone is Listening for the First Time
I’m completely random. I talk too much, trying to point out the key factors of a song… It’s ridiculous. It’s like… “OMG, listen right….here! Did you hear that? Ahhhhhh!”
Day 24: August 29, 2010: Favorite Lyrics
Pretty sure I answered this… Yes, see Favorite Quote(s). :)
Day 25: August 30, 2010: How Do You Feel About the Death of Leroi Moore
This is a loaded question. When I heard he passed away, it devastated me. The day he died was also the anniversary of my oldest brother’s passing. When the boys decided to play their show as scheduled, it made my heart heavy. They just lost someone so close to them, and went on with the show – because Roi would have wanted that. Every time I hear “Why I Am,” I cry. I can’t help it. His talent was astonishing; his skills so refined. He is sorely missed.
Day 26: August 31, 2010 – If I Had the Chance to Write a Song With the Band, What Would It Be and What Would I Call It?
I don’t even know where to begin with this one. I would be honored to write a song with them… but I have no idea what direction it would take! We’ll see… :)
Day 27: September 1, 2010 – What Song I Would Perform With the Band
I would have to say Spoon. I think I could definitely pull off Alanis’ part. :)
Day 28: September 2, 2010 – How Do You Feel About the Break In 2011
I’m devastated! I’m going to have to find something else to do next summer. Boooo… but on the plus side, I do have plenty of time to save up for Gorge 2012 and a few more shows now… :)
Day 29: September 3, 2010 – Another Picture of the Band
Day 30: September 4, 2010 – Write a Letter to the Band
Dear Dave – Will you please be scruffy at all the shows? And come hang out with the DMB Twitterfam when you’re done with your break. Love, Me.
Dear Fonz – Could you please do the All Along the Watchtower intro like this summer, where you crouch down on the stage and play? That was awesome. Love, Me.
Dear Boyd – Keep tearing up that violin. <3 Love, Me.
Dear Carter – I love your smile. Love, Me.
Dear Jeff & Rashawn – The element you bring to the band is breathtaking. Thanks for everything. Love, Me.
Dear Tim Reynolds – you are a badass. That is all. Love, Me. Dear Roi – WE MISS YOU AND ALWAYS WILL. <3