How to be a good friend when you don’t know what you did wrong.
Ever have a really good vina stop talking to you? Either they disappeared for while or they just totally ghosted you, without any explanation? For those of us who have been there, we understand how difficult that road it is to navigate.
For you vinas who have never before experienced this pain, but are going through it now, my heart goes out to you. It hurts. Especially when you have a deep history; when your lives are so terribly intertwined… I’ve been there before and I’ve learned a great deal on how to act, and how not to react.
FIRST, CONSIDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES:
Did you give your vina advice she didn’t want to hear?
Did you two have an argument?
Did you suffocate them with love?
Did you bad mouth her bf?
Or, are you still utterly confused as to why she is shutting you out? I’ve been through each of these scenarios but I will say… in the heat of the moment, it’s easy to let your confusion turn into anger.
Don’t fight fire with fire. In these situations, it’s best to cool off before you approach the subject with your vina. For a few days, just be silent; be still. After a decent amount of time has passed, only then should you try to open the line of communication. Understand you might not get a response immediately… or for a while… or ever.
What’s important is that you let her know you’re there no matter how much time goes by; whenever she decides she’s ready to talk. Then, give her some space and be patient. Yes, it’s probably the hardest thing to do when your vina is shutting you out; ultimately, the best reaction in these situations is to keep calm and try not to pry.
In your message (text, voice, email, or through a mutual friend), make it clear your intentions. Whatever her reasons, at least she knows the door is always open. And you’ll know you tried. Even though if the problem takes time to resolve, you’re baby steps.
IF YOU NEED TO TALK IT OUT:
Have a conversation with your mom or dad, brother or sister, boyfriend or girlfriend. Confide in another trustworthy friend instead of taking that hurt, anger, and confusion to your friend. They can help you try to make sense of the situation; and you won’t further seal off that door with the friend who shut you out.
People say “if they’re a real friend… they’ll come around.”
Sometimes that’s true; sometimes people just need a significant amount of time away before they are ready to reopen the door. And that’s okay, babe. However if she doesn’t… it may be time to face the facts. Some relationships come to an end faster than you expect them to.
DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME:
If your vina is ghosting you with no explanation, don’t feel obligated to jump through hoops for her. If you acted as your very best self and she still wanted none of it, don’t waste your energy What’s important to remember here is: time heals all wounds and we learn to move forward.
It’s never easy dealing with a friend who is pushing you away. How do you handle it when this happens to you?